do you ever?

Do you ever feel that you are walking through a crown of people completely alone? Like you speak but no one hears? You see people look at you but they seem to stare right through you? As I walk through my life, the things that are happening to me right now in this moment, in this current time, I feel like I am screaming but no one is there to listen. I talk to people but feel like I speak to no one. I hear people talking but do not seem to be able to respond with any kind of thought or clarity. I try to move forward but feel that I am running in place. On ice taking steps but staying right where I am, or even moving slowly backwards. Backwards to the edge of a high cliff. Can anyone tell me what this means?

I had an interview Friday for what could be an amazing job. Everyone says I got it. This is the one. I even got up the guts to ask my pendulum and it has said three nights in a row that I got the job and that it will start this week. It even says that I am going to get a September paycheck which means we will be able to move ASAP which would be amazing. They said that they hoped to make an offer tomorrow so I am hoping to hear from them tomorrow. I have managed to stay positive. Keep looking forward, what will we do once I have this job. Rent a house. Moving back up north where we were so much happier. Why tonight as I get ready to go to bed do I find myself in tears. Tears that I can't explain. I can explain but it brings the negative to the surface and I know that if I want this job, that needs to go away. I just smudged myself with safe and am feeling so much better. But the fear. The fear that my life will never change. That this is the life I have now and that I am stuck here, with this, this life of stress, this life of not being able to pay my bills, no work, disappointment in myself and of others in me. I can't live with this any more and need help moving on.

Goddess please give me the strength to keep moving forward with positive energies and a positive outlook as I know that positivity breeds positivity where negativity does the same. Keep my pure, positive, and motivated to do what I need to do. Please take away and banish negative energies and thoughts from me never to return... I ask this now so it shall be done. So Mote It Be!